My prolems don’t mean any thing, because I am not a starving child in Africa.

Okay so maybe that was a little melodramatic.

Yes, a little self realisation that other people have issues in their lives too is definitely a bonus in helping us take stock of our problems and put things into perspective. (In my opinion). No one likes a self-absorbed brat.

But it does not, will not and SHOULD NOT EVER be a strategy for making someone feel like whatever is going on in their world is in some way ‘less important’.

Sometimes I have difficulty empathising with situations or feelings that I am not familiar with. I have to remind myself that not everyone reacts in the same way that I do, and it is unfair to hold everyone to MY standards – it is only fair to hold people to their own standards.

The thing is, when something bad happens to us, it might actually be the WORST thing we have ever experienced, and just because that isn’t the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone in the universe ever, has no relevance to the fact that it might be the worse thing that has happened in our own personal universe. So on our own personal scale, we react in a way or hurt in a way that might be on par with how someone else may react to something much worse.

Every person’s reactions are VALID. Every emotion, every sentiment is exactly their personal truth in that moment. What some one else’s personal truth is, has no bearing. Life is subjective.

We don’t have to understand, but simply because it is not how we would react, is not a good enough reason to invalidate someone.

Advertisements

Que sera sera…

I recently found out that my hairdresser is friends with the mother (BM) of my fiances son. I found out through facebook so I doubt either of them know this, but it lead to a realisation about my place in step-parent land.

I try really hard not to talk badly about BM, for several reasons; firstly of course because as a stepchild myself, I know how damaging it is to hear that while growing up – it doesn’t matter what your parents did, they are still and always will be your heroes (even if it is very deep down inside). And secondly because I firmly believe that positive re-affirmation can make a world of difference – if I talk about a situation negatively, it will be negative, if I talk about a situation positively, it will be positive.

Anyway. My realisation was that I worry of what other people think of me because of our situation. From BM’s perspective, I broke up her family (unfortunately this wasn’t the case, as my fiance always told me they were never together. Messy situation.) And in fairness to her, I did betray her trust by using some emails she sent me against her in court. (On a side note, although I recognise it was a betrayal of trust, I would still do it again, I was protecting the man I love most and his son.)

But we live in a small community, everyone knows someone who grew up with someone else who talks to so and so. As evidenced by the hair dresser situation. I am way too caught up in how people might judge me, if they only know her side of the story.

My first reaction was, oh my gosh, I need to find a new hairdresser!

Sad. I don’t want to close off my community because of my choice to be with the man I love and his adorable son. I want my community to be wholesome and rich and filled with all sorts of people. Also I really like my hairdresser, she does a great job.

I need to learn to let go, I think. To accept that what will be, will be. I don’t think BM is a bad person – sure we all have our conflict from time to time, but we are also human…

So. Working on acceptance, openness and unity. Anyone got any strategies?